Marriage and Family // Gender and Sexuality
The Theological Educational Discourses series explains Northland Church's main theological and doctrinal beliefs.
As believers in King Jesus, we will have a conversation full of truth, grace and humility on marriage, family, gender and sexuality so that we understand God's holy standards. Through this teaching, we will understand and affirm what we believe on these topics.
THIS WEEK'S BIBLE STUDY
SERMON QUOTES
From Pastor Josh Laxton
Rules of Engagement
We enter into these conversations full of truth and grace.
We enter into these conversations with humility.
We enter into these conversations desiring to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and at the same time, love our neighbor as our self.
DIGGING DEEPER
The Bible teaches that in the beginning, God created Adam and Eve as male and female and placed them in the Garden of Eden. As a couple, Adam and Eve were the first family, and this first God-created family unit was perfect until sin entered the world.
Humanity and the family unit were shattered by sin. In Genesis, we see how Adam and Eve sinned, and their children, Cain and Abel, also sinned. Cain, out of jealousy, killed his brother Abel. From there on out, the Bible recounts story after story of humanity facing real-life situations–good and bad.
Because of humanity's and our sin, we know that we fall far short of God's expectations. But we have the Bible to teach and guide us on how we are to live according to God's standards through the power of the Holy Spirit. Through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross and His resurrection, God has forgiven our sins, and Jesus' blood cleanses us from sin. By God's grace, we are saved by faith.
Today, as believers, we live in a culture where marriage, the family, sexuality and gender are marred by sin, and our Biblical beliefs about them are often under attack. To quote Pastor Josh, "As believers, we are not called to lower God's standard to become more relevant to the world or to lower His standard to accommodate our sinful desires; we should seek to understand and uphold God's holy standards, fall deeper in love with Jesus, live under His authority, be filled and empowered by the Holy Spirit, and be quick to confess our sin when we fall short."
Psalm 103:17-18 states, "But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and His righteousness to children's children, to those who keep His covenant and remember to do His commandments." May we walk so that we "do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)
WHAT NOT TO MISS
Introductory Comments
Our doctrinal beliefs aren't meant to serve as weapons to attack people but frameworks to teach people.
Just because we hold different beliefs doesn't mean we don't work for the shalom of all.
To love the world well doesn't mean we have to agree with or affirm everything the world believes.
The church isn't telling or demanding the world to change their beliefs on these matters.
These doctrinal beliefs aren't meant to shame, guilt or condemn anyone; they are simply meant to teach God's standard regarding these culturally sensitive topics.
We want to be a safe place for people to have open, honest and difficult conversations around these topics.
As believers we are not called to lower God's standard to become more relevant to the world or to lower His standard to accommodate our sinful desires; we should seek to understand and uphold God's holy standards, fall deeper in love with Jesus, live under His authority, be filled and empowered by the Holy Spirit, and be quick to confess our sin when we fall short.
There is forgiveness, grace and cleansing in Jesus Christ our King.
Marriage and Family
KEY BIBLE VERSES
Genesis 1:26-28; 2:15-25; 3:1-20; Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Joshua 24:15; 1 Samuel 1:26-28; Psalms 51:5; 78:1-8; 127; 128; 139:13-16; Proverbs 1:8; 5:15-20; 6:20-22; 12:4; 13:24; 14:1; 17:6; 18:22; 22:6,15; 23:13-14; 24:3; 29:15,17; 31:10-31; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; 9:9; Malachi 2:14-16; Matthew 5:31-32; 18:2-5; 19:3-9; Mark 10:6-12; Romans 1:18-32; 1 Corinthians 7:1-16; Ephesians 5:21-33; 6:1-4; Colossians 3:18-21; 1 Timothy 5:8,14; 2 Timothy 1:3-5; Titus 2:3-5; Hebrews 13:4; 1 Peter 3:1-7.
Singleness
Is a gift. (1 Corinthians 7:8)
Allows more time to focus on the things of God. (1 Corinthians 7:32-34)
Marriage
Three Views of Marriage
Cynical
Contract
Covenant
Marriage is God's Idea
Marriage defined - Marriage is a covenant relationship created by God between a man and a woman so that they can work harmoniously together to cultivate a family that reflects the glory of God and His kingdom on earth.
We believe God created and designed marriage to be a covenantal, sexual, procreative and lifelong union between one man and one woman for a lifetime or “until death do us part.”
What About Divorce?
God hates it. (Malachi 2:16)
There are reasons for it. (Matthew 19:9)
It's not the unpardonable sin. (Ephesians 1:7)
How to Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church
Know your spouse's condition.
Relinquish our rights for the good of our spouse.
Sacrifice to elevate our spouse's condition.
Fill our minds with active thoughts of our spouse.
Remember our marriage is a covenant.
Family
God has ordained the family as the foundational institution of human society. It is composed of persons related to one another by marriage, blood or adoption. Children are fearfully and wonderfully made and are, from the moment of conception, a blessing from the Lord. Parents are to model a life devoted to Christ as they seek to raise their children under the authority of Christ by teaching them Biblical truth.
How to Make Your Family Work
Have an unchanging center.
Let Jesus change all of you.
Understand your role and responsibilities.
Surround yourself with a community that will support you.
Make sure you use words that build up and not tear down.
Sexuality and Gender
Three ways churches engage in gender/sexuality discussion.
Extreme churches. (Affirm vs. Attack)
Ostrich churches. (Ignore these subjects)
Messy Middle Churches. (Those who engage in these subjects full of truth and grace)
Three kinds of responses.
Reject, renounce and roast us for believing what we do.
Open and objective to learning more about what we believe and why we believe it.
Agree with and affirm what we believe.
Sexuality
KEY BIBLE VERSES
Genesis 1:26-28; 2:15-25; 3:1-24; Exodus 20:14; 20:17; Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Deuteronomy 5:18, 21; 22:5; Judges 19:22; 2 Samuel 11:1-12:15; Job 31:1; Psalms 51:1-19; Proverbs 5:1-23; 6:20-35; 7:1-27; Isaiah 59:1; Malachi 2:14; Matthew 5:27–30; 19:4-6, 8-9, 12; Acts 15:20, 29; Romans 1:26–27; 1:32; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11, 18-20; 7:1-7; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 5:24; Ephesians 4:15, 20–24; 5:31–32; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1 Timothy 1:9–10, 15; 2 Timothy 2:22; Titus 2:11-12; Hebrews 13:4; James 1:14–15; 1 Peter 2:11; Jude 7
We believe God's will for His people is to be sexually pure inside and outside of marriage. We also believe Christians who are tempted by sexual sins can, in the power of the Holy Spirit, walk in Christ's victory.
Clarifying Points
God's will for His people is to be sexually pure—inside and outside of marriage. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4)
Being sexually tempted is not a sin; the act of engaging in any kind of sexual sin inside/outside of marriage is the sin. (James 1:14-15)
You can't out-sin God's grace.
We are here to help you, not hurt you.
Gender
KEY BIBLE VERSES
Genesis 1:26-28; 2:15-25; 3:1-24; Exodus 20:14; 20:17; Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Deuteronomy 5:18, 21; 22:5; Judges 19:22; 2 Samuel 11:1-12:15; Job 31:1; Psalms 51:1-19; Proverbs 5:1-23; 6:20-35; 7:1-27; Isaiah 59:1; Malachi 2:14; Matthew 5:27–30; 19:4-6, 8-9, 12; Acts 15:20, 29; Romans 1:26–27; 1:32; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11, 18-20; 7:1-7; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 5:24; Ephesians 4:15, 20–24; 5:31–32; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; 1 Timothy 1:9–10, 15; 2 Timothy 2:22; Titus 2:11-12; Hebrews 13:4; James 1:14–15; 1 Peter 2:11; Jude 7
Terms to Know
Nonbinary-refers to a wide range of gender identities that are not exclusively male or female, or masculine or feminine.
Transgender-an umbrella term that encapsulates people who feel some level of dissonance between their biological sex and their internal feeling of being male or female.
Gender Dysphoria-a psychological term for the distress some people feel when their internal sense of self doesn't match their biological sex.
Transition-" sex change"; can include three different levels: social, hormonal and surgical.
Gender
God created humanity in His image with two gender classifications—male and female. The biological classifications are part of God's creational design and are meant to bring about human flourishing as human beings reflect God's glory in all spheres of life. The gift of gender is thus part of the goodness of God's creation.
Ten Final Thoughts:
All forms of abuse, slander, dehumanization or oppression toward fellow human beings for any reason is not loving our neighbor or our enemies well, and therefore is sin.
Everyone is fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are made in God's image and therefore have intrinsic value and worth.
God does not make you or cause you to live in a manner that would dishonor or disobey Him.
Humans have been marred by sin and therefore are holistically broken.
You may not be able to pray or work enough to make temptations or struggles go away.
You have access to God's sufficient grace, His resurrection power and His caring body.
We encourage everyone to find their true identity in Jesus.
We understand our beliefs may make people uncomfortable and may make them feel unwelcome.
We love, we welcome, we receive and we care for EVERYONE because God demonstrated His love for all in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.
LIFE APPLICATION
In a dark world, we, as believers, can be beacons of light, helping others see and know God. We can reflect God's glory and demonstrate His love for the world.
Consider ways you can encourage, strengthen and uplift your family or marriage this week. Ideas might include planning a picnic, sharing a Bible story or something you learned in the Bible, helping with a particular need, cooking a meal, making cookies or doing something fun. Make plans to do something that is uplifting, fun and upbeat. Listen and pray that God will open the door for great conversation as you share about Jesus with your family.
SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
What do you remember doing for fun as a child or with your family?
What does the Bible teach about marriage and family?
What does the Bible teach about sexuality?
What does the Bible teach about gender?
What is our response to those who don't hold the same Biblical beliefs that we have concerning marriage, family, sexuality and gender?
DAILY DEVOTIONAL BIBLE PASSAGES
Day 1- Marriage-1 Corinthians 13
Day 2-Family-Ephesians 5:21-33
Day 3- Sexuality-Genesis 2:15-25
Day 4-Gender-Genesis 1:26-31
Day 5-God's Love-John 3:16
PRAYER
Lord, the topics for this week are significantly important as I live life within our culture. Let me humbly and courageously stand up for what the Bible teaches, and let me do it in a way that lets others know that God loves us while he hates our sin. May I show others, by my lifestyle, how wonderful it is to live under the sovereignty of Your precepts and commandments, no matter what the world teaches or condones. Give me wisdom and discernment as I live each day serving You and others for Your glory. Especially let me share my faith with neighbors and nations who do not yet know you, so that they will come to salvation in King Jesus as their Lord and Savior through the power of the Holy Spirit.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
God, Marriage, and Family, by Andreas Kostenberger
The Meaning of Marriage, by Tim Keller
Covenant Marriage, by Gary Chapman
Raising a Modern Day Knight, by Robert Lewis
Parenting, by Paul David Tripp
Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp
Embodied, by Preston Sprinkle
Living in a Gray World, by Preston Sprinkle (for teenagers)
Is God Anti-Gay? by Sam Allberry
The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert, by Rosaria Butterfield
Do Ask, Do Tell, Let's Talk, by Brad Hambrick
