The Depths of No
Matthew 5:37
Digging Deeper
KEY QUOTES
"The more you say yes, the more likely your life will be a mess."
"No" should be your default if you don't know or it's not clear what you should do."
"With limited time, we have limited yeses."
KEY BIBLE VERSES
Matthew 5:37
Last week, the Digging Deeper Study focused on why we have trouble saying no and why we need to say no. This week's study will focus on how to say no and on practice saying no most effectively.
How do we say no, and what might our reply be when we say no?
Politely - Thanks for asking, but I can't do that since I have a full plate.
Repeatedly - As I mentioned before, I am unable to do that.
Give an honest explanation - Sadly, I have something else I am committed to do.
Emphasize priorities - I don't have the bandwidth to do this right now.
Just say no - No, and that is my answer.
Don't explain - I am honored you asked me, but I really can't.
In addition to these replies, there are times when we need to emphatically say a firm no, never ever. This situation occurs when something is against the Bible's teachings or is morally or legally wrong. Jesus was prepared to say no when tempted by the devil in the wilderness. Believers must also be prepared and know what the Bible teaches so we can discern and reply with a firm no when faced with these situations where we cannot compromise our faith and beliefs.
WHAT NOT TO MISS
The Three Realities About No and Yes
-Yes and No are decision words.
-Yes and No are said based on one's value system.
-Yes and No reveal who we are and help shape us into who we are becoming.
Main Point:
Learning the X's and O's to your Yeses and Nos will glorify Christ and make you wiser in life.
God is the God of Yeses and Nos.
-Both are part of the fabric of God's decision-making.
-Both are part of the fabric of God's value system.
-Both make up God's character—who He is.
-Whether in the context of trustworthiness, telling the truth, or using those words to make decisions—both words are part of God's life and world.
What do we need to learn about the X's and O's of Yeses and Nos to glorify Christ and become wiser in life?
Understanding the Depths of Yeses and Nos.
1. Every yes or no is a God-decision.
-The most important yes you can make is to say yes to Christ!
2. Yeses and nos frame out God's priorities for your life.
-An authority with a value-based system contains priorities—extremely important things.
-Conflicting priorities might be a result of competing value systems.
Principle: Your authority sets your priorities.
3. Steward your yeses and discern your nos.
-With limited time, we have limited yeses.
-Learn to say "no" to what is good to steward, saying "yes" to what is great.
4. When you can't decide, or it's not clear, let no be your default.
-In general, you are less likely to get yourself in trouble by saying no than by saying yes.
-The more you say yes, the more likely your life will be a mess.
5. Saying no may cost you.
-By saying no, you may incur a loss.
Five Lessons for Understanding How to Receive No
1. God is sovereign over that no.
2. The no isn't a rejection of you, just the request.
3. The no doesn't mean the person doesn't love or care for you.
4. In receiving a no, you have the right to be angry but do not sin.
5. You'll only get angry and sin for receiving a no if you think the world revolves around you or the topic of the request that got declined.
These are the ten lessons of the Xs and Os of Yeses and Nos that glorify Christ and make us wiser in life.
LIFE APPLICATION
We must be able to say no to prioritize being able to say yes to the best things God has in store for us. Write down a situation where you might feel uncomfortable saying no. Consider a response you can use in this situation and practice saying your reply, including your polite "no, thank you" reply. Look up Bible passages that will help you work through the best way to say no in these situations where you feel strongly or that are difficult moral and ethical situations that you face. If you struggle with saying no in these difficult times, find a wise believer who can coach you through saying no biblically in the best way possible.
SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
If you were given a gift card for $75, how would you prioritize spending it?
Who is the hardest person for you to say no to?
In what ways does knowing the Bible and its teachings help you prioritize when to say no and when to say yes?
Share some ways that you politely say no when you are asked to do something that is not the best for you at the current time, so that you can say yes to the best God has in store for you.
Explain ways that saying no can be a costly answer for you.
DAILY DEVOTIONAL BIBLE PASSAGES
Day 1: Living Life Vibrantly - Psalm 37:4; Proverbs 4:4; Proverbs 7:2
Day 2: Living Life Joyously - Matthew 5:12; Acts 2:46; Psalms 118:24
Day 3: Living Life Abundantly - John 10:10; James 3:13; Proverbs 3:16-17
Day 4: Living Life Powerfully - Ephesians 2:10; Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 59:9
Day 5: Living Life Lovingly - 1 Corinthians 16:14; 1 Corinthians 13:13; John 3:16
PRAYER
Lord, let me rely on You to learn to say no effectively, politely and firmly. I want a life filled with the best things, not just things that have crept into my life because I have not set boundaries and priorities. Help me practice saying no in a loving but firm way when needed. Let others understand that what I am doing when I say no to them is what is best, even though that might not necessarily be what they would like me to say or do. As I practice saying no to things that are not the best, I look forward to saying a vibrant and joyful yes to serving You abundantly with my time, talents and resources.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
-No Is a Beautiful Word, by Kevin G. Harney
